okay. updates on 80/10/10 experiment.
August 20, 2013 § Leave a comment
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of this past week, I continued to eat fruit and keep my fat intake below 200 calories per day. However, my yeast infection was still cropping up – I was having spotting and got my period for all of one day (2 weeks early) – and I wasn’t sticking strictly to the 80/10/10 diet.
I still had eggs each day (replaced them for haddock one of the days), oat bran maybe 2 of the 3 days, and worst of all – red wine and 2 pieces of cake on saturday. (At the time, I knew it wouldn’t help my progress, but I was so excited at the prospect of healing that I allowed myself the indulgence, knowing I’d go full throttle when the weekend was over.)
The main focus of those days was Food Combining. As you can see in my earlier posts, I did a lot of research on food combining and how to avoid fermenting food in the intestines. I made sure to always eat my fruit in the morning/afternoon, never at night, and always without any other food. Whenever I had starch, protein, or fat, I only combined them with leafy greens- never taking starch/protein or starch/fat combinations. It definitely made a huge difference; I was rarely ever bloated, and my system just felt a little inexplicably ‘better’. Even on Saturday, when I had 3 glasses of red wine, I didn’t get any digestive distress that night or in the morning. I processed the alcohol efficiently and healthily, and didn’t get sick at all. This is something I was never able to do a few months ago.
The persistence of the yeast infection has an incredibly strong effect on my mood. I become so immensely depressed when I wake up in the morning and it’s still there. I try so hard to be calm and collected and just stay focused on my regimens, but most of the time, I can’t help it. I am so very sick, mentally and physically, and I just can’t escape it. It makes me hate my body, it makes me want to rip myself to shreds and break out of it. It’s the most trapped feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life.
On Sunday night, I had an insane mental breakdown. My brother picked a fight with me, and though it shouldn’t have been a big deal, I went over the edge. I was consumed with the need to scream, or hit something, or run away from myself, or get the fuck away from everything. I left the dinner table and went to my room, crying hysterically; I had to scream into a pillow maybe 20 times to try and release the pent up depression I’d been locking away and determinedly avoiding for months and months, the depression that only came out in occasional crazy moments of weakness, when my despair overrode my resolve to be strong and beat the crap out of this disease. I am not a pillow screamer, nor am I a ‘hitter’ of any kind; but Sunday night, my pillow became a microphone and a weapon. My curtains did not stand a chance.
The screaming and anger went on for awhile, and the crying aftermath was another good hour or so. At the end of it all, my eyelids and the area below my eyes were swollen and covered with red dots, burst blood vessels from the emotion pouring out of them. I was weak and starving, I’d hardly eaten anything all day, afraid of fruit and afraid of fat and afraid of starch and afraid of meat. When I was calm, I went back downstairs and finished my haddock and zucchini pasta, and then I went back to my art commission that is still months overdue, and another source of extreme stress in my life.
I had resolved earlier that day to try the 80/10/10 diet completely and fully, employing the rules of Food Combining, and remaining entirely Raw Vegan, with no exceptions. At least for a week, to see what happens.
Well, it’s Tuesday morning. Yesterday was painful, emotional, full of die-off symptoms, full of fear and anxiety that everything would just get worse, full of financial stress and art stress and relationship stress; at every moment of the day, I could have begun to cry and probably never stopped. Thankfully, Monday is over; and though this morning started out similarly, with a lot of barely restrained depression, I am feeling a little better and more positive now.
I’m going to give this a real shot.
Here’s how yesterday went:
Food Log, 8/19/13:
1 can pineapples
Total calories: 1050
Smoothie with: 2 bananas, 1cup blueberries, 1cup spinach, 1cup almondmilk
Total calories: 470
Total calories: 250
Massive salad with ACV, 1/2 avocado, tomato, cucumber, onion, and green onion
Total calories: 200 (or less)
Hot almond milk with stevia
Total calories: 40
Probiotics RAW for Women, 1 afternoon, 1 evening
Mastic gum 1g, morning and evening
Bloating, gas/flatulence (with odor), headache, nausea, fever, depression/anxiety
1 or 2 throughout day, slight constipation